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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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