I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
