I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
