I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
