This is not my ceiling
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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