He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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