Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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