Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
