Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
