$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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