Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize