true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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