I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
