none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
