I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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