i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
