Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
