is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
