Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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