It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
