An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
