On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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