Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
