Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
