So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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