His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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