Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
