Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
