I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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