Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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