where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's never too late to be topless.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
