Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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