She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
