The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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