so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
