well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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