Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
