I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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