FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
wow bdsm is so cute
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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