I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
