Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
