Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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