Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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