i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
