The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
