Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
