I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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