I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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