pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
