I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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