Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
