dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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