I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
