you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
