my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
