I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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