Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
