you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
