I'm going to jail i love you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
