just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
