dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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