I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
