i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
