Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
