All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
