am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
